Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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