I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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