You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
