some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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