I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
