I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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