not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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