and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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