I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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