I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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