Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
