I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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