you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
