Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she smelled like a LAN party
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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