i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
