There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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