Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I see more hoeing in ur future
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