Do vagina's smell?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
