I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
