i already hear my dad disowning me
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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