this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
