if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
