i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
