I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
