If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
