So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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