You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
