It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
