so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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