dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We don't watch enough power rangers
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize