we have pet lesbian snakes
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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