you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
