Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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