Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
