i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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