THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Randomize
