spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
