Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just high enough for therapy.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Randomize
