I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
