Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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