She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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