She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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