we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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