No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We had to coat check the pizza.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
