Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
