I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just high enough for therapy.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
