East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
