what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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