I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
