So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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