We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
