best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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