I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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