If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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