He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Who died my cat blue again?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
