Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
