i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
