I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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