I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
