My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
