what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
