I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize