I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
