she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
