what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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