were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize