Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
