i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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