I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she was so not down for the gang bang
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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