I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
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