DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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