Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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