I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
