Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
