I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
