Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize