dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I had to cum in my sink.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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