I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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