im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
