Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
