shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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