I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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