Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
