alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
