I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
