I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She's the barista slut.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
