My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
