and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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