Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
