he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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