i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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