I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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