Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
