we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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