You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
