Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
