I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
