do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
