I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize