I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
