sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
