yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
is that a dick in a sweater?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
