wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
