Where is the hickey?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
