I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just pee around me
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
