You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
