I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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