I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
