Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i've created a new STD.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
